hard to believe we've been home for more than a week already!
remington is SUCH an easy baby... hopefully that doesn't change. and madison is warming up to him on her own terms- she's been happy to rub his head and give him kisses here and there, which melts my heart.
as for cole, he's still in love with his baby brother; he doesn't like it when he cries and tries to "fix" whatever's wrong. yesterday he actually laid down on the couch next to remington to snuggle him... cole NEVER sits on our couch, much less lies, he always bounces! it melted my heart all over again.
kelvin got me a moby wrap... i LOVE it!! remington does too- he slept so soundly in it that he forgot to wake up to eat.
it's like getting an extra set of hands, and will be a total lifesaver when we go grocery shopping.
i know this because i already tried it... baby in the moby, two kids in the cart. it was the quietest, smoothest trip to the grocery store EVER. i have no clue why cole and madi were so well behaved, but i won't question it. i know, i know... i shouldn't have been out that soon, lifting kids and groceries, but it had to be done, and i'm going to have to figure out a system anyway. :)
lil dude, taking a snooze.
here's the "owl" on the back of remington's head... the two swirls are the eyes and the ridge between them is the beak. funky, no?
auntie sarah came over yesterday (and will be back today) to meet her newest nephew! as you can see, he was delighted... i just wish i could have gotten this shot at a different angle, because his grins are *the* cutest.
*
now for another little bit of honesty. i just have to get this out of my mind, because the longer it sits in there, the worse it will get.
everyone has dreams. big dreams, little dreams, dreams of all kinds. some dreams stay just that: dreams. others have an opportunity to be fulfilled. it seems that as long as one's still alive and kicking, the attainable dreams are still possible.
one of my most prized dreams was to have a natural labor and delivery. since kelvin is happy with three kids, i was so excited to have this one last chance to have the birth experience of my dreams. i was prepared: i had my exercise ball, lotion and a massage tool, even music. oddly, the one thing that i really wanted to hear was hank williams' "lay down beside me". odd choice for the delivery room, yes, but it makes me feel so safe and relaxed. anyway, my plan was to labor at home as long as possible, go in to the hospital when i felt ready and avoid pitocin and the epidural altogether. i knew i could do just fine without one, as long as there was no pitocin, and more than anything else, i wanted this birth experience to be what i was dreaming of.
obviously, that didn't happen. and knowing that remington may very well be our last baby, my simple dream of having a good labor and delivery experience is gone. i'm quite certain that hormones play a part in it, but every time i think of what i wish could have happened, i cry. my chance to attain that one dream is gone. not just the whole "no drugs all natural" thing, but that feeling that the world disappears. mommies, you know what i mean; when you're in labor, it's like time stands still and the world goes away. there's nothing like it! this time, i didn't even get that... the one thing that makes each birth so memorable and special, i missed out on it.
i know, it sounds silly. i don't intend to sound like i'm upset because i didn't "get my way"... and when it comes down to it, i'm so very thankful that remington's healthy and that everything turned out ok in the end. there wasn't any way we could have prevented my developing polyhydramnios (the term for too much amniotic fluid, which occurs in a mere 2% of pregnancies, and in 2/3 of those cases, there's no explanation for the condition), and we did what was advised to be the safest. but part of me wonders, if i had just gritted my teeth and opted to wait, would my dream have come true? maybe. or i could STILL be in active, unproductive labor. i guess there's no way of knowing... all i know is that it's going to take some time for me to accept the fact that my chance at having my "dream birth experience" is gone. there will undoubtedly be more tears shed over it, but eventually those will go away too.
and, like i said before, i'm so thankful that our littlest man is healthy and safe- and really, that's all that matters, right?
14 comments:
Hugs sweet baby!
We've never met, but I just couldn't help but respond . . . I know EXACTLY how you feel. Our youngest is soon to be 20, and all 3 of our kids were C-section. Finally, finally, it is bothering me less and less that I didn't get to experience birth. To me, that is the ultimate experience for a woman, and I missed out. Yes, it is important that the baby is healthy and so on, but don't shove your feelings aside. They are very real. Sending hugs your way!!
"laura": thank you SO much for your comment!! knowing it's normal to feel a sense of loss over not having a normal delivery means a lot... thanks for your support :) maybe someday we'll have a chance to meet in person?
Love his hair line.. and love the wrap! The owl on it seems so fitting.. :)
Ahhh....just love the look of a sweet, innocent baby sound asleep!! That picture is probably THE most adorable picture---framed on his wall?! =-) Congrats to you both!
Lindsay,
he is just gorgeous! I can't get over how cute your kids are :) It was my dream to have a natural labor too, but with Addy I developed PIH which could lead to other bigger issues, so they scheduled an induction for a monday...I begged to do it the friday before so my family could come, since it was the only time my dad had off work, and the dr. said no....but Friday morning my water broke. Couldn't wait to laugh at the doctor :) So at least she came in her own time!!! But I still had to have pitocin...so had an epidural since it was HORRIBLE! I'm hoping for different this time around, but will be thankful just to have this baby safely :) I know what you mean though!!!!!
Hugs! Susie
darling baby boy!!!
chances are you did things the right way, even if it wasn't the way you were hoping for. you'll never know, 'what if'. all you know is you have a healthy baby boy in your arms.
i know the feeling of being let down, not having things go the way 'we' planned (just pertaining to everyday life). but i've been thankful to remember that our Father plans our steps for us. (hugs to you)
The owl on Rem's head is funny! Have fun with the hair cuts! :)
I'm so sorry that you didn't have a natural birth, how were your first two born?
You could tell/suggest to Kelvin, that 3 is an odd number and 4 would be better so that there isn't a child left out! Haha
A big hug and smile from me too!
Lindsay,
I seem to have lost your email address...will you email me?
Thanks,
cousin Audrey
cute cute pictures! aiden smiles at space but not at people just yet :) sorry you didn't have the ideal experience but i'm too so glad you and baby are ok! hugs!
Did I see a picture of Dale and Mary H. on your blog a while back? They lived in our area for a few years and ran a Culver's. We miss them!!
I can totally relate, I too didn't get the birth experience of my dreams. Some background, back in 2003 I was pregnant with my first child....a daughter. I read every pregnancy and breastfeeding book I could get my hands on...went to birthing classes...created my "dream delivery plan". The plans didn't stop there, I couldn't wait to meet Alyssa and be the best mother possible. I envisioned all her milestones: birth, toddler years, first words and steps, first day of school, graduation, college, marriage, and grandchildren. Sadly when my water broke at home it was brown... From meconium. Needless to say, the complications from preeclampsia and the meconium changed my birth plan. After close to 20 hours of labor Alyssa was born.....she was absolutely beautiful and seemed healthy. I was just about to nurse her for the first time when the nurses noticed a problem with her breathing.... Long story short...16 hours later, I was holding Alyssa in my arms while she peacefully passed away. My "simple dream of having a good labor and delivery experience was gone"....... In ways no one should ever experience. You said you cry every time you think about what you wished would have happened???????? I still cry 7 years later wishing Alyssa was still here with me, instead she's in an urn. Where's your baby? Oh that's right safe and healthy in your arms. I mourn the loss of my daughter while you mourn the loss of a "perfect labor". Wow is all I can say......
"laira": yes, they're my aunt and uncle!! :)
"anonymous": i'm pretty sure i know who you are... you shared your story at an rts meeting years ago, i believe. my heart still goes out to you for your profound loss; having experienced a few miscarriages, i can relate to the feeling of losing a child. even though i can't fully understand your individual experience, i can empathize- nobody should have to go through that! i DO know how lucky i am to have my son here with me, and i'm so grateful that we've been blessed with him. even so, i believe that i have a right to feel what i'm feeling, and i hope you can respect that. i also hope and pray that amid your grief, you will find peace again. my prayers are truly with you!
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