"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are gray. you'll never know, dear, how much i love you; please don't take my sunshine away.
the other night, dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamed i held you here in my arms. when i awoke, dear, i was mistaken; so i hung my head and cried."
as i was trying to get remi settled down tonight for bed, this was the first thing that popped into my head to sing to him (i rarely sing to my kids; self-conscious, i suppose, even though they're hardly critics.). i had to stop because i couldn't make it all the way through without losing it. the simple lullabye rings so true for me- i can't count how many nights he was in my dreams. to be more accurate, they weren't really dreams, more like fitful dozing mingled with memories and thoughts; perhaps it was my heart connecting with his during that awful separation. since he's been back, the joy has been incredible, but it doesn't erase the pain and the scars that have been left. deep, deep scars, not a single one of us unaffected. and through it, we've realized a miracle: that remington never, ever forgot who we were. not once. our beautiful little sunshine.
(*disclaimer: it goes without saying that i love all my kids the same...)
