southern living, the short version

so... we're in south carolina. we've been here a week and have already had our fair share of excitement. actually, it was just one incident, but it was enough to last us for awhile... our third day down here found us in a wreck. thankfully, the kids and i are ok (i'm still feeling it in my back, but it's not any worse, so that's good), as is everyone else that was involved. now we're just waiting on word as to whether or not the van is totalled. we're guessing it probably is, as the body damage alone is probably close to 70% of the blue-book value. the police that responded (and the emt's) were so nice, southern hospitality at it's finest! two of the policemen even took time to take three big kids to a grassy area and play tag with them. wow- i'm so impressed with their deparment!

anyway... we're in the camper to save on cost of living. it's an adjustment, to say the least. the kids are doing really well with it, sleeping through the nights without issues. kelvin's used it before, for travel work, so he's fine with it. i am another story... it's a complete and sudden 180-degree for me, and i don't do well with change at all. or with tiny camper bathrooms. or with no quiet place to escape to and unwind. but i'm dealing... and seeing how the kids love being with their daddy, well, that makes it all worth it! plus, the rv park that we're at is quiet. no noise at night, very little activity during the day... perfect. there's an on-site coin laundry, but hours are limited, so we find ourselves making more use out of driving 10 minutes to the nearest laundromat, since it's open 24 hours. there's also a fresh market up the road... hello, amazing produce! as in, a container of grape tomatoes lasts longer than three days (as opposed to the less-than-mediocre produce at our hometown grocery store), the avocados for max are huge. fresh market carries both organic and conventional items, so we can pick and choose according to our needs and what's on sale. perfect.

also, there's a dunkin' donuts. i've never had dunkin' donuts coffee until we first arrived here... oh.my.word. my brother was right- dd's amazing! also, hobby lobby and target are in the general vicinity, which is nice. and the drive into aiken is awesome... lots of flowering bushes, cute vintage street lamps instead of the standard lights-on-wooden-poles, large dividers between the lanes that look like pieces of a park, old brick walls that seem to go on forever, equestrian-crossing traffic lights... it's definitely a different feel down here. and i like it! oh, and the weather is nice- 80's on yesterday and friday, projected again for today. the camper has a/c, so we turn that on when it starts getting stuffy and warm. there are playgrounds nearby, which we will be making use of once we have a way to get around again. for now, while we're without a set of wheels, there's plenty of sand right outside the camper, and little kids + sand = hours of fun.

i'll post photos when i get a chance... between settling in and catching up on cole's schooling, we've not had an abundant amount of free-time. not to mention, max likes to "help" with everything, so it's a rare moment that i can use the computer without his little fingers finding their way onto the keyboard or moving the power cord to a more strategic location... oh, but that sweet, entire-faced grin makes it all ok. he's such a happy baby... just simply happy.

so, love and greetings to all our family and special friends from way down south- love y'all, and miss each one of you! <3

mr max (more updates to come)

oooh, max... he's growing so fast, and so stinkin' cute. and far too eager to keep up with the older kids: he started crawling shortly after he turned 6 months, right about the same time he cut his two bottom teeth. stinker! he is so alert, curious and sweet. cole and madi have done a great job of adjusting to max's mobility, mostly because they have their rooms to keep their toys in, completely inaccessible to max. remi's been a little put out by all of a sudden having to share the "community" toys, but he's learning to redirect his baby brother, or distract him with another toy. and cole in particular has done a wonderful job of modeling the redirection technique for remi. they allbthree get the giggles at max's latest antics, which involve attempting to start cruising, growling, making goofy faces when trying new/textured foods, or just hamming it up because he knows it's funny.
today marks a year of our family being legally reunited.... the re-birth of our family! i remember that day, feeling so anxious and powerless because  we were here at home while the hearing to determine our son's final fate was taking place states away... and then finally talking to our amazing caseworker, hearing the excitement and joy in her voice. i didn't need to hear the words, i could tell by her tone. knowing that she was so happy for remi and for us was so reassuring... not that there had been any doubt about her position/views of the whole ordeal. she had our backs from the second supervised visit, no doubt about it.
so today is a happy memory day... we are so blessed :)

mini-update

ack!! well, this is embarrassing. i've been far too negligent with my blogging. i assure you, laziness doesn't have much to do with it, though- cole's online kindergarten lessons take up a lot of the daylight hours. not that it's a bad thing, because he's doing really well at it and for now, the virtual school option seems to be a good fit for our family. i love watching him learn things, and i'm so thankful to have been the one to hear him read his first sentence- had he been in a brick-and-mortar school, i wouldn't have gotten that opportunity! (selfish, maybe...)

madison has turned 5. FIVE!!!! i refuse to believe it. she's just growing by leaps and bounds and has become a nicely balanced mix of tom-boy and girly-girl. she's entertaining, to say the least, and has developed a bit of a stubborn streak, so she keeps us on our toes.

remi... dear, sweet little boy of ours. oh, he melts my heart! he's starting potty-training, though it's slow going. he understands the concept and is praised and rewarded when he does go, and i'm sure that he'll get the hang of it soon. he's smart. like, really smart. there is SO much in his little noggin that he isn't able to express. his speech therapist was really impressed by his progress last week when she was here, and he's scheduled to be evaluated by the special ed department at the school here for speech, gross/fine motor and cognitive skills. since he's almost three, he'll soon be ineligible for the birth-to-three program, and he was referred to the school for any on-going therapies he might be eligible for. they like to do their own evaluations, rather than look at his in-take records. they'll determine whether or not he could benefit from more speech or occupational therapies, and if he does, it won't be anything hard-core. so we'll see what that brings.

and max. baby boy max. he just turned 7 months yesterday and is already an expert crawler with two little bottom teeth. he's the earliest to crawl and cut teeth out of all the kids, by several months. this little development is so exciting (isn't it always?), but also severely complicates things. no longer will he contentedly play or observe from a warm blanket on the floor... now he's off and getting into things, getting stuck, and "helping". so of course, normal routines now take a little longer because he often needs to be rescued several times! one of the drawbacks to early mobility is the lack of fear and the inability to understand "no" or a warning tone of voice, so this is a whole new ballgame for us. we keep being told, "oh, he'll be walking before a year!". yikes! he must be taking on the challenge, as he's also pulling himself to standing and has amazing balance when he's up on one knee and one foot. yes. already.

so besides the normal everyday stuff, i'm also slowly re-vamping my "green vanilla baby" stuff. new name, new products. that's also on my list of stuff to get my act together on. i won't be doing etsy anymore (at least for awhile), so i'll be relying on online networking and word-of-mouth for spreading the word. and if you're geared toward simple, natural products, you might just be interested. a little hint: healthy mouth. until i get things all sorted, switched, re-named and set up on the gvb blog, if you're interested in learning more, email me! or comment. either way. and by the way, this isn't an affiliate program or anything. this is homemade stuff, pure and simple.

so that's that, for now. pictures to come, eventually. i promise! (notice i'm not commiting to a time-frame there, hahaha!)

new design!

my creative side had a slight itch that needed scratching, so i decided to indulge. mind you, i'm not a scarf person at all... i mean, i love them on other people or hanging on those goofy hangers in the store, or even on a mannequin. but on myself, not so much. so i make them for other people.

i give you the muslin infinity scarf.

i haven't had much interest in knitting or crocheting lately. not sure the reason; maybe because it takes more concentration, what with counting stitches and all? not that i don't like it and will never do it again... i will. just not right now. 

anyway, i found a somewhat coarse weave, enough for a nice texture but not so much as to render it unwearable, and it's undyed amd unbleached to boot. big enough to make two loops and with a sewn-in twist... it's incredibly versatile too. office professional to weekend casual, as-is or with a flower or artsy piece pinned on, crisply ironed or crinkled up- any way you like it! 

right now i have this listed on etsy for $24.99. contact me here for a discount... and no matter where you order from, it ships free. 

(i promise, one of these days i will post photos from the camera, not just my phone. there is much to share! :) )

so here i am again, sheepishly admitting to my lack of updates. it really has been a tad busy! and regarding the photos... i'm doing this from my phone (first time... "hello, my name is lindsay and i'm a mobile blogging newbie"...) so they're a little out of order.

sorry.

max... half smiling. he's already 8 weeks (and then some). time is flying way too fast with him!

 he's been pretty strong from the time he was born. case in point: his tiny noggin as high as it will go in a mighty attempt to peer at the world over the edge of his bassinet. (our view was a bassinet with the tippy-top of his sweet little head bobbling around. so funny!)

 remi went on a veggie strike. as in, no veggies at all. mama got smart and bought veggie/fruit mix pouches. he loved them... and guess who ate his broccoli last night? problem (temporarily) solved.

 max and reid on wednesday.... hangin' out while the other 6 kids ran off steam at the farm. cousins!! (8 kids, aged almost-6-yrs to 8 weeks. whew!)

last saturday we spent the day in door county with aunt kandace and uncle duey... cole was excited about lunch being served via train. and he got root beer. double score. 

miss madi... tired and in no mood for pics.

i have more on the camera.... and when lufe slows down a wee bit, i may have a spare moment in which i remember to upload then. when i do, i'll post them. in the meantime, i'm off... another day with very special family and a birthday weekend to get ready for! :)

max

once again, it's been far too long between posts. i blame the events of the last year and a half... once remi was gone, i lost all desire to even touch my camera, and blogging was out of the question. i need to get back into the habit of both again! you know, with all my extra time and stuff (haha!).

so... onto the the newest happenings: the arrival of max! he was fashionably late (the midwife charted me at 41 weeks +1 day, but i think i was closer to 43 weeks, maybe more) and after weeks of early labor with NO progress, another instance of polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid) and a little boy that refused to drop down far enough to facilitate progressive labor, my amazing midwives felt that the safest route would be a repeat cesarean. they worked hard to support a vbac... something i REALLY wanted, badly... but in the end, it was another surgery.

max was born at 8:02 am on june 18th, weighing 8 lbs, 14 oz and measuring 20". he came out squalling, perfect in every way, apgar scores were 9 and 9. his hair is thicker than the other kids' were, and black instead of dark, dark brown. he has the infamous pheifer nose, never developed even the smallest touch of jaundice, is a great eater and at two weeks, is strong and alert. he even spent a few minutes cooing in his bassinett the other day!

("where the wild things are" onesie, courtesy of auntie elissa! it's sort of a theme, being that his name is the same as the main character's)

 

the kiddos have adjusted exceptionally well to max, in my opinion. remi is a little more sensitive these days, but at his age, that's quite normal and to be expected. lots of changes in the last two weeks, plus he's still figuring out his new place in the family- we can cut him some slack! still, he is quick with kisses for his baby brother, exclaims "oh, no!!" when max starts fussing, and refers to him as "MY bebe-ya". (he adds a "ya" to the ending of many of his words... it's kind of his trademark!). cole and madi are old enough that they can engage themselves in other activities independently, and cole especially, i think, remembers a little bit from when remi was born and understands that babies require a LOT of care and attention. madi has begun to show a little maternal instinct, voluntarily playing with her babies more than normal. kelvin was off for two weeks, which was great since recovery is a little slower with a cesarean (as anyone who's had one knows!)... and since painkillers make me sick, even motrin cramps up my stomach, it takes me a little longer to start moving around. and of course, since surgery involves a catheter, i developed the inevitable uti. nothing some cranberry and probiotic couldn't help. i won't lie- the day it peaked was miserable. i couldn't move without crying. but within 24 hours, things were drastically improved. so much so that i took cole, madi and max to story hour in waupaca with my mom. in hindsight, that was probably overdoing it some, but the kids had a ball and i was bored to death anyway.

(already sassy!)

 

max's first major outing was to one of the parks in the valley- last week thursday, we met some very special friends for a few hours. the last time i saw jennifer was early in the morning on the day we got to come home from arkansas- that was 6 months ago. far too long between visits, says i, but that makes the visits even more special. the kids got to play together in the park, max snoozed on a blanket in the shade, we had a wonderful chat, then had to part ways after a quick stop for ice cream.

anyway... i have to upload photos to share; it's on my list of things to do! i realize this post is sort of disjointed, but in my defense, there's lack of sleep, a fussing baby (it's feeding time!), and some wound-up kids distracting me. ah, the life of a mommy... wouldn't trade it for anything! 

(two weeks old today!)

life...

oh my... it's been over three months since i last posted. sad. and it's been longer than that since i uploaded photos to the computer so that's even worse. that also means no photos this time around. sorry!

life has sort of taken over my, well, life. baby #4 is due in two months- for those of you who don't know already. and just so all my bases are covered there, it's a boy, due mid-may. looks like madi is going to be the only girl in our family (and the only girl cousin!) unless my two still-offspringless siblings wind up with girls down the road. oh well- she keeps up just fine, holds her own quite well (sometimes better than she should). between pregnancy, trying to keep everyone and everything halfway organized in our little house, taekwondo classes (yes, i'm still attending, right along with the kids, thankyouverymuch) and the day-to-dayness of our life, i've put blogging on the back burner. photos too, i'm afraid... although i do have somewhat of an excuse for that one. which brings me to this particular time of year and why it will always be bittersweet.

remi turns 2 on thursday. this week also marks the one-year anniversary of the scariest periods of our life: when remi was taken. until now, we've been careful to keep any and all info regarding what happened off the blog, relying on word-of-mouth relays of selected bits of information to family members and select friends. as time went on, we started to relax, but our story was never recorded in a public place.

it's a LONG story- i could literally go on for days to cover all of it, but i'll give the ultra-condensed version. part of me is leary and still clings to the "we need to be extra careful" mindset, but that's over. our case was closed on march 4th, so now our story can be told. if you know us or have followed our blog since remi was born (or before), then you know the struggles we've had with our little boy. the growth issues and development delays, primarily. you know, then, that we were scared for him pretty much since he was born. the lack of weight gain right from the beginning, the lack of/slow development, all that. and you'll also know that remi was hospitalized several times. the last time was in march- march 14th. that's when everything fell apart. the very basic story is that the doctors decided that there wasn't any medical explanation as to why remi wasn't gaining weight normally (though the accusation was that he lost weight when he was at home with us, which isn't true)... on march 19, 2012, i dropped cole and madi off with a dear friend and went to be with remi in the hospital. i wasn't there long before i was taken to a conference room, was sat down in front of several doctors and the hospital social worker, and told that there was no reason remi shouldn't be gaining weight, and that i was being reported to dhs for neglect. it was scary, a shock, just unbelievable. we'd been trying to find answers for remi and felt that there were still some avenues that hadn't been looked into thoroughly; i brought it up and the social worker got several inches away from my face and yelled at me to "stop making excuses". after they let me go, i took remi back to his bed (i was holding him the whole time) and had to leave because i felt ready to lose it. i remember breaking down in the elevator, and a lady with two little girls looked at me and said, "i don't need to know what happened, just know that it will all be ok, i promise. you're in good hands here!". the empathy and the irony...! i drove to my friend's house, and i remember sitting on her front porch with her and the glass of water she brought out, but i don't remember any coherent thoughts.

the next few days were a blur: phone calls, my mom flew down to be with us, my dear sweet friend and her kiddos spending their week of spring break taking care of us, interviews with investigators, the scary dhs office, spending too little time with remi, a birthday cake in the hospital for him, and finally, two days after our precious baby boy turned one, getting the call from the investigator that we had to pack up his things: clothes, diapers, carseat, formula, bottles... and take it all to the dhs office because he was being discharged to foster care. i remember the call, and i remember collapsing on the bed, then my mom taking the phone and getting as much information as she could as to what was going to happen next. my friend came right over- i had remi's clothes out on the bed, but couldn't move to put them into bags to drop off. kelvin came from work right away, and we all went to the dhs office to drop off remi's things. the investigator, who was large and very intimidating, told us that we could go see remi before he was discharged. she also told us that she has seen neglectful parents, and she could see that we weren't neglectful parents. (i don't recall what she said word-for-word, but that was the message she was conveying)

we went to spend as much time as we could with rem... it ended up being a half-hour. he was so sweet, as always. we spent our time cuddling him, playing with him, trying to be brave so as not to scare him, memorizing his face, his voice, his smell, the feel of his little body in our arms. he was perfectly innocent and unaware, full of smiles and eager to play. when our time was up, walking away down that hall, knowing he was not coming with... there are no words for that. it went against every instinct in my being to leave him there and walk out, and sometimes i get angry with my inner self for making my feet carry me away from him. (being compliant and not making waves was so very important, so it's a good thing i didn't act on it, but all i wanted was to turn around, grab him and run far, far away)

that was a friday. the next day, we met with an amazing attorney- we are still so thankful that we got connected with him; he's done so much to help us with our case.

sunday was our first meeting without remi in our care. for some reason, at this point in time, that's what makes my heart ache the most when i think about that awful week. we sang "tomorrow's path"... just thinking about it as i write this brings me to tears. it magnified my desperation and helplessness, yet still comforted.

it was 10 days before we got to see remi again- kelvin worked, taking off an hour or two here and there as needed. my mom took care of the kids. one of the ladies from our meeting down there brought meals for our freezer. another, familiar with "the system", answered our questions and helped me navigate through some legal things (she was responsible for hooking us up with our attorney). my amazing friend was there, either in person or by phone, for much of those days. there were records to go through, timelines and weights/dates to organize, a court date, information to process... a year later, it's still a blur. th hardest part was keeping things as normal as possible for cole and madison. having grandma there to occupy them was probably the best thing ever!

in the next weeks and months, we attended twice-weekly visitations with remi. they took place at the dhs office; he was picked up from his developmental daycare and we got to spend two precious hours with him at each visit. our caseworker was amazing- she treated us so respectfully and i will always be thankful for her role in our experience. eventually visits got moved to our apartment- supervised, of course. toward the end of july we were granted one unsupervised overnight visit each week (the twice-weekly day visits were stopped), then we got weekends, and finally, the court granted us temporary placement. that meant that he was able to come and live with us again, full time, with certain requirements. he still had to attend daycare, had to have regular visits with the growth and development doctor, had to have weekly weight checks, etc.. the one thing we weren't allowed to do was to come home.

finally, on december 18, 2012, i got a call from our attorney as i was going to pick up remi from daycare. we'd just moved out of our apartment to stay with my friend and her kids... our lease was up, we couldn't renew it and had nowhere else to go. she graciously took us in, the kids and i (kelvin was in oklahoma for work)... again, she came to our rescue. anyway... our attorney called to tell me that the court order had come through allowing us to return home. we still had several stipulations in place, but at least we could go HOME! so the next morning, before the sun was up, i put the kids in the van and drove north. as we crossed the border into missouri, there was a small break in the clouds in the distance, and the most beautiful sunrays appeared. we drove all day, stopping only for potty and to refuel- the van was packed to the brim, from front seat to rear door, and i'd packed bananas, granola bars, juice, water, etc.... easy stuff that didn't require getting out to eat. we got to my parents' just after 9 pm that night... it never felt SO good to be at their house!
our permanency plan hearing was originally scheduled for march 18th, but was moved up to march 4th. that afternoon, i called our caseworker to find out the verdict- the joy in her voice when she told me that our case was closed sent chills down my spine. the support we've had through the past year has been overwhelming: from family (and my dear friend and kids is included in that category... who says family has to share dna?), from amazing friends all over the country, our attorney, our caseworker, our family therapist... the calls, texts, emails and visits have meant SO much. there are no words to express our gratitude for each and every one of you. and even remi's foster mom- i'm so grateful to her too for taking excellent care of remington. knowing that he was in good hands was invaluable.

that's the very simplified run-down of the last year... the days before and after remi's birthday will always hold the memories of that horrid experience, but we can accept them because we have our little boy back. it will always be part of the story of our lives- we can't change that, but we can accept it, deal with the emotions as they come both now and decades from now, and we can use it as something to strengthen our family bond. it's been quite a year... thank you SO much to everyone who was there for us, even from far away, in thoughts and prayers. y'all mean so much to us!!!