just some stuff...

in place of update-y stuff, i'm trying to promote my etsy shop. i stumbled upon the story of this sweet little boy named nolan. never met him, don't know any of his family, but his story gripped me and ever since, i've been wanting to do something to help out. the basic rundown is that he has an enlarged heart- he's just a baby, so he needs a transplant to survive. he's had some recent setbacks (he's on a berlin heart and in the last few days suffered a stroke)... you can read about him here at his facebook page or check out his gofundme site. i've been busy creating new things to stock my shop with to help benefit nolan: fingerless gloves, an angora blend infinity scarf and a chunky, warm wool blend infinity scarf. (of course, those of you who know me well will already know that anything i make can be requested in a different color or fiber!)

anyway... once you've read more about this little boy, i hope you'll help spread the word that any and all orders (either through my etsy shop or privately) will help nolan. 30% of all procedes will go to him and his family. so far, i have a grand total of $10. that's not much, so please help me get the ball rolling! even if you're not feeling like shopping, at least please pass the word along. i've always wanted to do something useful, and it's so hard to know who to give your time, money or other donations to because there are SO many that need help... but this is the one i've chosen. little nolan is a warrior and is fighting for his life... let's fight back for him! :)

ata worlds, 2012!!

back in june, the kids and i had the honor of participating in the ata worlds tournament... exciting stuff!! ("ata" is the american taekwondo association, for those who don't know) there was a press conference to kick off the tournament week, so we went to that and that evening, saw the kids on the news- that was exciting too :)

the statehouse convention center has been home of the ata worlds tournament for more than two decades now- if you're in little rock mid-june, expect lots of people, uniforms, awards, languages and cultures. i think there were 17 countries being represented there this year... quite the deal.
ahh, the breakfast of champions: apple juice and cheerios! (given the tiny tigers events started at 8 am, we had to be ready and out the door quite early- no sit-down breakfast that morning).

ring one... that's where the (adorable) action was.

pre-tournament introductions and all that.

tiny tigers events have instructors to lead the little ones that aren't ready to do their events all on their own. instructor-led, it's a great introduction to tournament.

cole was all into his form, totally focused. he did great!

madi, on the other hand, completely froze up. she just smiled, jumped in place, punched and yelled "ai-ya!" at the top of her lungs. still, she tried, and after all, "to compete is to win"!

one-step "sparring"... the little kids are taught basic steps to defend themselves. at tournament, they have a chance to demonstrate that they can respond to "stranger danger". in traditional ata fashion, it begins with partners bowing to each other as a sign of respect, shaking hands and telling each other to do their best.

couldn't resist sharing this one of cole- he's SO into it!!

one-step ends with bows, hand-shakes and "good job, sir/ma'am".

great job, tigers!!

two medals for two tigers: cole's is for demonstrating black belt attitude and madi's is for sportsmanship. the neat thing is that at this level, the judges pick out something positive that each child demonstrated (i.e., great kicks, awesome kihap (yell), that sort of thing) and they each get a medal (or, for smaller tournaments, a trophy) for competing.

there's a pretty good chance that this might be the only time we ever get to worlds, so i opted to get our medals engraved.

yes, we are ata strong!!
one of the really neat things about ata is that they've started an anti-bullying program. senior master lee (she's awesome- big name in the little rock area!) shared briefly at the press conference her experience with being bullied and how enrolling in taekwondo gave her the confidence to overcome it. the ata is also involved in helping kids with autism achieve success in the ring and out...go, ata!

finally, i just HAVE to share this, because cole is so very impressed with this. this young man has been instructing temporarily at the maumelle ata location the past two weeks... he just earned his fourth-degree black belt and is now a certified instructor. mr johnson's skills are just awesome, and cole has his mind made up that he will learn to kick like this. actually, i wouldn't mind learning either- it's even more impressive to see in person.

so... that was our big, fun, exciting experience this summer... thanks for letting us share it with you!

we have moveage!

little remi is starting to look SO much like his big brother... while cole's face has always been rounder, rem still looks a lot like him. i nabbed a photo on my phone the other day...

...they have the same expression and look almost identical! (it would be easier to see if remington hadn't been looking down)


we also want to share that remington's crawling skills have really improved over the last few days, since he first realized he could move (on the very off chance that you missed it, there's video below). he's easy to entertain- he rolls his own ball to crawl after!! (seriously- he did it intentionally several times, chuckling to himself because he thought he was such a smarty. which he is!)

photos... phinally!

here we go... photos!! now y'all can finally see how well remington is growing... he's starting to look SO much like cole did when he was small. no denying genetic relations here, hahaha. one of these days (and i'll try to do it soon), i'd like to do a photo comparison of them, just for kicks. because really, they do look so very very similar.

"hey, mom..."

daddy's hat is a favorite play-thing of sweet remington's. forget toys- that hat beats all!

kisses for cole- big kisses, the mouth-wide-open-cramming-as-much-face-into-cheek-as-possible kind of kisses. those are the best!

smiley little man! (i think he resembles his auntie sarah a little in this one. her baby pictures, i mean...)

multi-tasking: hamming it up and sucking his thumb.

mama and her boys

remington's always been our most cuddly baby- a real snuggle-bug.

checkin' things out with grandma...

... and then taking a stroll with her, too.

big development: on friday (the 20th), remington finally started to crawl!! i got some on my phone to share with kelvin because he was at work and missed it. back in wisconsin, the birth-to-three team had set a goal for him for crawling: 15 months. here he is, 13 months and finally pulling it off. he met his goal with two months to spare, and we couldn't be more proud or happy of that! he's been up on hands and knees since january, and scooting his knees forward since february- now he's finally figured out how to coordinate those little hands and arms and start going places. brings to mind the dr seuss book, "oh, the places you'll go". i think i'm going to get a copy just for him :)

what? no photos?!

no photos... i know i said i would post some, but seems that my laptop has a virus. i've got to resort to using kevin's little "cheapie"; that means no photos. oh sure, cheapie is capable of photos, for the most part- i just don't have the energy and focus to mess around with it. that, and i've started shooting in raw format. cheapie won't take kindly to raw, AND lightroom is on my laptop. bummer. it kinda makes sense that a virus would infect the computer, since it's swept through the apartment and hit almost everyone else. the kiddos were sick- started with madison on thursday. very short-lived tummy issues, a fever, then just tired and cranky within 12 hours. cole woke up early sunday morning with the same thing, then remington followed after lunch. yikes! miss jennifer was SO sweet- she brought bananas, apples, crackers, pretzels and a few other things. i've been taking preventative measures since madi got sick, and i'm thinking it's just a mild case of influenza. apparently, even though it's not a gastrointestinal bug, it tends to disrupt kids' tummies. me, i'm fine- just exhausted, a little achy and stuffed up, but then again, i'm an adult. (sometimes. haha!)

mom is flying in this evening! while we're so excited to have her with us for a week-ish, we wish it was under different circumstances. remington goes to radiology tomorrow morning- bright and early. "be there by 8 am", they said. then it's over to the g.i. surgical clinic to meet with a doctor there, then an overnight stay with surgery to put in the "button" sometime on wednesday. that's the plan for now, anyway. i hope nothing gets delayed, changed or otherwise messed up... mom can't change her schedule, and i reallyreallyreally need her here this week! yes, i finally admitted it- can't do this without mom anymore. she's going to be free 24/7 while she's here, which is exactly what i need for the kids. anyway, the medical team pushed and threatened us, so now that we've got a plan, i hope they stick to it. i know i'm being a little anal and totally peevish about this, but given the run-around, i'm almost entitled. (almost. one is never really "entitled" to a bad spirit...)

in other news: not a whole lot of anything. oh, except for we're heading back home on the 26th! we have no idea what the plan is after that, but i'm going to try (really*hard) not to fret about it because i can't control the future. i've learned to sometimes roll with the punches the last few months, so why change now, right? i'll chalk it up to a huge, grand adventure. bumps in the road sort of go with the territory- and lucky for us, we've had some awesome family and wonderful friends just willing (crazy?) enough to hitch along with us...

so that's all for now. when i get the chance, i'll update on rem. happy monday to everyone... hope you all have a wonderful week!

update (again)

i've been just terrible at keeping up lately! i'd intended to post before now to share our good news: i got the official letter in the mail last week stating that the case with remington was deemed unsubstantiated and the case is closed! we had a celebratory dinner (of sorts...) with kevin, jennifer, aubrey and hayden on sunday and over the last few days, i've felt myself starting to relax.

that is, until today.

remington's follow-up visit was yesterday, and he's up to 13 pounds! while i was ecstatic about it, nobody else was. there was talk of putting in a "button" (direct feeding tube) and later, when the dietician called, she said we could try a high-calorie specialty formula first. she said to give it a week, touch base again with her and go from there. now in the past, rem's not tolerated any formulas except for the organic stuff we'd found. now it's not on the shelves anymore, and i expressed my concerns that he might not take to this new stuff. but a lot can happen in a week, and as he gets older, his taste buds are not as sensitive so who knows? i went to children's today to pick up the sample cans she'd left for us... he did tolerate (with a bit of protest) 3 ounces of this new stuff, so i was pretty happy! then, the hospital social worker called to tell me that either i consent to the feeding tube or he'd be taken away. there was a lot more to the conversation, but that's the jist of it. she told me i'd hear from a gastrointestinal nurse shortly to talk about the procedure and all; i didn't hear anything for over an hour, so i called the social worker back. this time, she said that the dr, dietician and a few others were going to wait, discuss things in the morning and call me then. they're thinking of hospitalizing rem again, this time using an ng (nasal feeding) tube, rerunning some tests, looking down other avenues, etc.. of course, i panicked a little because kelvin's doing 12-13 hour days now for the remainder of the job (7 days a week too) and what am i to do with one baby in the hospital and the other two at home? we've been lucky to have jennifer and the wife of one of kelvin's co-workers help us out the first time, but that's also when kelvin was working more normal hours. just when i thought this was all over, it comes back for round two. luckily, though, i have the world's best mom who may be able to come for a visit. if she makes it, i will be SOOO relieved. because let's face it: when things head south, mom's the one to call, right? of course, i've been so thankful for those that have already helped out more than they realize (ahem, miss jennifer!) and to be honest, i'd love for my mom to meet them.

so that's where it stands now. one of these days, maybe this weekend if madi's not sick anymore, cole or rem (or i!) don't catch whatever she has and i can sit down to load and edit a few photos, i'll post something vaguely more interesting.

again, thank you SO much to our family, friends both old and new and friends who feel more like family: you've been amazing. your support both outwardly and in the secret place of prayer has helped infinitely more than you'll ever comprehend. we love you all!!

what's been going on?

so... if you're family or a close friend, then you are already aware of what we've been facing in addition to figuring out what remington's deal is. first, i should say that we took him to a geneticist last thursday- for an older gentleman who studies genetics, he sure was a friendly bunch of fun! he hit it off with the kids right away, was thorough in noting remington's history (as well as commenting that the polyhydramnios i had at the end of my pregnancy with rem was VERY important), and i feel quite comfortable dealing with him. he ordered a blood sample and said that he would be surprised if there wasn't something genetic or chromosomal going on with our little boy. we're playing the waiting game again, as results will take anywhere from 4 weeks to 6, hopefully no longer than that.

if the medical issues were the only thing we had to worry about, i'd be pretty ok with it... but a few days after remington was discharged from arkansas children's hospital, we were paid a visit by a social worker from children's protective services. she came to the apartment and told me that they received a claim that remington was being maltreated and they were going to investigate the situation. a week later, i got the formal letter in the mail, naming me as the alleged abuser, remington as the victim and intentionally with-holding food as the charge. it sounds so harsh. i signed releases for all the doctors and hospitals that rem has records with, gave names and phone numbers of people that could give proper witness (one way or the other) of my interaction and care for remington, and i've been 100% compliant. the cps worker came back last thursday to interview kelvin... i was right there as she asked him whether or not he felt remington was safe in my care, if i ever denied him food, that sort of thing. i know it's standard, but it felt so very degrading. after she was finished, she said that she'd gotten ahold of rem's medical records and would be wrapping up her investigation in another week or so; i'll get a letter notifying me of her findings (whether or not the claim is true or unsubstantiated). part of me has faith that because i've done everything i can to try to get rem to grow, the case will be closed and we can get on with our lives. on the other hand, there have been several different discrepancies in how the case has been handled thus far that makes me scared to death that they're going to consider the claim to be true- and while i have the right to appeal the findings before a judge, the possibility of rem being removed and placed into foster care is very real, should the case go that direction. that's one of the first things i was told by the cps worker the first time she came to our apartment and it's been scaring me sick ever since.

i've struggled with the decision to post about this experience... initially we didn't tell anyone beyond family members and close friends. we didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but then i came to the realization that this is one of those things that's too big to handle without the support of others. besides, sometimes others have advice that you might not hear or know unless you share your experience, and when it comes to this, we need all the help we can get. (just to clarity: i'm the only one being investigated but kelvin needs support in this too- it's his family as much as mine!) the last month has been incredibly difficult. i've cried more tears than i can count. i've logged minimal sleep. i've been hopeful. i've been scared. i've been overwhelmed. i've been supported by loved ones. it's been hard. in the grand scheme of things, i know very well that things could be worse- people face more devastating things every day. so really, i should be more positive... but on the flip side, it's not just a minor issue. it's been the cause of lots of heartache and i have to admit, there are moments when my faith wavers terribly. as the verdict draws closer, i feel less and less confident that things will be ok.

so... i apologize for letting this all out, for wearing my heart on my sleeve, for probably over-reacting. someday i will have peace about this... but for now, it's huge and overwhelming and scary and i can't face it on my own. some very special people have taught me that i don't NEED to bear it on my own either, accept support and help when it's offered and be honest about what i'm feeling. so there you have it...

(ps- if you want to comment privately, feel free to email me!)