we have moveage!

little remi is starting to look SO much like his big brother... while cole's face has always been rounder, rem still looks a lot like him. i nabbed a photo on my phone the other day...

...they have the same expression and look almost identical! (it would be easier to see if remington hadn't been looking down)


we also want to share that remington's crawling skills have really improved over the last few days, since he first realized he could move (on the very off chance that you missed it, there's video below). he's easy to entertain- he rolls his own ball to crawl after!! (seriously- he did it intentionally several times, chuckling to himself because he thought he was such a smarty. which he is!)

photos... phinally!

here we go... photos!! now y'all can finally see how well remington is growing... he's starting to look SO much like cole did when he was small. no denying genetic relations here, hahaha. one of these days (and i'll try to do it soon), i'd like to do a photo comparison of them, just for kicks. because really, they do look so very very similar.

"hey, mom..."

daddy's hat is a favorite play-thing of sweet remington's. forget toys- that hat beats all!

kisses for cole- big kisses, the mouth-wide-open-cramming-as-much-face-into-cheek-as-possible kind of kisses. those are the best!

smiley little man! (i think he resembles his auntie sarah a little in this one. her baby pictures, i mean...)

multi-tasking: hamming it up and sucking his thumb.

mama and her boys

remington's always been our most cuddly baby- a real snuggle-bug.

checkin' things out with grandma...

... and then taking a stroll with her, too.

big development: on friday (the 20th), remington finally started to crawl!! i got some on my phone to share with kelvin because he was at work and missed it. back in wisconsin, the birth-to-three team had set a goal for him for crawling: 15 months. here he is, 13 months and finally pulling it off. he met his goal with two months to spare, and we couldn't be more proud or happy of that! he's been up on hands and knees since january, and scooting his knees forward since february- now he's finally figured out how to coordinate those little hands and arms and start going places. brings to mind the dr seuss book, "oh, the places you'll go". i think i'm going to get a copy just for him :)

what? no photos?!

no photos... i know i said i would post some, but seems that my laptop has a virus. i've got to resort to using kevin's little "cheapie"; that means no photos. oh sure, cheapie is capable of photos, for the most part- i just don't have the energy and focus to mess around with it. that, and i've started shooting in raw format. cheapie won't take kindly to raw, AND lightroom is on my laptop. bummer. it kinda makes sense that a virus would infect the computer, since it's swept through the apartment and hit almost everyone else. the kiddos were sick- started with madison on thursday. very short-lived tummy issues, a fever, then just tired and cranky within 12 hours. cole woke up early sunday morning with the same thing, then remington followed after lunch. yikes! miss jennifer was SO sweet- she brought bananas, apples, crackers, pretzels and a few other things. i've been taking preventative measures since madi got sick, and i'm thinking it's just a mild case of influenza. apparently, even though it's not a gastrointestinal bug, it tends to disrupt kids' tummies. me, i'm fine- just exhausted, a little achy and stuffed up, but then again, i'm an adult. (sometimes. haha!)

mom is flying in this evening! while we're so excited to have her with us for a week-ish, we wish it was under different circumstances. remington goes to radiology tomorrow morning- bright and early. "be there by 8 am", they said. then it's over to the g.i. surgical clinic to meet with a doctor there, then an overnight stay with surgery to put in the "button" sometime on wednesday. that's the plan for now, anyway. i hope nothing gets delayed, changed or otherwise messed up... mom can't change her schedule, and i reallyreallyreally need her here this week! yes, i finally admitted it- can't do this without mom anymore. she's going to be free 24/7 while she's here, which is exactly what i need for the kids. anyway, the medical team pushed and threatened us, so now that we've got a plan, i hope they stick to it. i know i'm being a little anal and totally peevish about this, but given the run-around, i'm almost entitled. (almost. one is never really "entitled" to a bad spirit...)

in other news: not a whole lot of anything. oh, except for we're heading back home on the 26th! we have no idea what the plan is after that, but i'm going to try (really*hard) not to fret about it because i can't control the future. i've learned to sometimes roll with the punches the last few months, so why change now, right? i'll chalk it up to a huge, grand adventure. bumps in the road sort of go with the territory- and lucky for us, we've had some awesome family and wonderful friends just willing (crazy?) enough to hitch along with us...

so that's all for now. when i get the chance, i'll update on rem. happy monday to everyone... hope you all have a wonderful week!

update (again)

i've been just terrible at keeping up lately! i'd intended to post before now to share our good news: i got the official letter in the mail last week stating that the case with remington was deemed unsubstantiated and the case is closed! we had a celebratory dinner (of sorts...) with kevin, jennifer, aubrey and hayden on sunday and over the last few days, i've felt myself starting to relax.

that is, until today.

remington's follow-up visit was yesterday, and he's up to 13 pounds! while i was ecstatic about it, nobody else was. there was talk of putting in a "button" (direct feeding tube) and later, when the dietician called, she said we could try a high-calorie specialty formula first. she said to give it a week, touch base again with her and go from there. now in the past, rem's not tolerated any formulas except for the organic stuff we'd found. now it's not on the shelves anymore, and i expressed my concerns that he might not take to this new stuff. but a lot can happen in a week, and as he gets older, his taste buds are not as sensitive so who knows? i went to children's today to pick up the sample cans she'd left for us... he did tolerate (with a bit of protest) 3 ounces of this new stuff, so i was pretty happy! then, the hospital social worker called to tell me that either i consent to the feeding tube or he'd be taken away. there was a lot more to the conversation, but that's the jist of it. she told me i'd hear from a gastrointestinal nurse shortly to talk about the procedure and all; i didn't hear anything for over an hour, so i called the social worker back. this time, she said that the dr, dietician and a few others were going to wait, discuss things in the morning and call me then. they're thinking of hospitalizing rem again, this time using an ng (nasal feeding) tube, rerunning some tests, looking down other avenues, etc.. of course, i panicked a little because kelvin's doing 12-13 hour days now for the remainder of the job (7 days a week too) and what am i to do with one baby in the hospital and the other two at home? we've been lucky to have jennifer and the wife of one of kelvin's co-workers help us out the first time, but that's also when kelvin was working more normal hours. just when i thought this was all over, it comes back for round two. luckily, though, i have the world's best mom who may be able to come for a visit. if she makes it, i will be SOOO relieved. because let's face it: when things head south, mom's the one to call, right? of course, i've been so thankful for those that have already helped out more than they realize (ahem, miss jennifer!) and to be honest, i'd love for my mom to meet them.

so that's where it stands now. one of these days, maybe this weekend if madi's not sick anymore, cole or rem (or i!) don't catch whatever she has and i can sit down to load and edit a few photos, i'll post something vaguely more interesting.

again, thank you SO much to our family, friends both old and new and friends who feel more like family: you've been amazing. your support both outwardly and in the secret place of prayer has helped infinitely more than you'll ever comprehend. we love you all!!

what's been going on?

so... if you're family or a close friend, then you are already aware of what we've been facing in addition to figuring out what remington's deal is. first, i should say that we took him to a geneticist last thursday- for an older gentleman who studies genetics, he sure was a friendly bunch of fun! he hit it off with the kids right away, was thorough in noting remington's history (as well as commenting that the polyhydramnios i had at the end of my pregnancy with rem was VERY important), and i feel quite comfortable dealing with him. he ordered a blood sample and said that he would be surprised if there wasn't something genetic or chromosomal going on with our little boy. we're playing the waiting game again, as results will take anywhere from 4 weeks to 6, hopefully no longer than that.

if the medical issues were the only thing we had to worry about, i'd be pretty ok with it... but a few days after remington was discharged from arkansas children's hospital, we were paid a visit by a social worker from children's protective services. she came to the apartment and told me that they received a claim that remington was being maltreated and they were going to investigate the situation. a week later, i got the formal letter in the mail, naming me as the alleged abuser, remington as the victim and intentionally with-holding food as the charge. it sounds so harsh. i signed releases for all the doctors and hospitals that rem has records with, gave names and phone numbers of people that could give proper witness (one way or the other) of my interaction and care for remington, and i've been 100% compliant. the cps worker came back last thursday to interview kelvin... i was right there as she asked him whether or not he felt remington was safe in my care, if i ever denied him food, that sort of thing. i know it's standard, but it felt so very degrading. after she was finished, she said that she'd gotten ahold of rem's medical records and would be wrapping up her investigation in another week or so; i'll get a letter notifying me of her findings (whether or not the claim is true or unsubstantiated). part of me has faith that because i've done everything i can to try to get rem to grow, the case will be closed and we can get on with our lives. on the other hand, there have been several different discrepancies in how the case has been handled thus far that makes me scared to death that they're going to consider the claim to be true- and while i have the right to appeal the findings before a judge, the possibility of rem being removed and placed into foster care is very real, should the case go that direction. that's one of the first things i was told by the cps worker the first time she came to our apartment and it's been scaring me sick ever since.

i've struggled with the decision to post about this experience... initially we didn't tell anyone beyond family members and close friends. we didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but then i came to the realization that this is one of those things that's too big to handle without the support of others. besides, sometimes others have advice that you might not hear or know unless you share your experience, and when it comes to this, we need all the help we can get. (just to clarity: i'm the only one being investigated but kelvin needs support in this too- it's his family as much as mine!) the last month has been incredibly difficult. i've cried more tears than i can count. i've logged minimal sleep. i've been hopeful. i've been scared. i've been overwhelmed. i've been supported by loved ones. it's been hard. in the grand scheme of things, i know very well that things could be worse- people face more devastating things every day. so really, i should be more positive... but on the flip side, it's not just a minor issue. it's been the cause of lots of heartache and i have to admit, there are moments when my faith wavers terribly. as the verdict draws closer, i feel less and less confident that things will be ok.

so... i apologize for letting this all out, for wearing my heart on my sleeve, for probably over-reacting. someday i will have peace about this... but for now, it's huge and overwhelming and scary and i can't face it on my own. some very special people have taught me that i don't NEED to bear it on my own either, accept support and help when it's offered and be honest about what i'm feeling. so there you have it...

(ps- if you want to comment privately, feel free to email me!)

life goes on...

eep! it's been a little while... and once again, there's some catching up to do. this will be only a "partial post" (we had some fun recently with j and the kids and i want to make sure it's ok to share photos before i post), but it's better than nothing, right? ;)

madison finally had her little birthday party! we had coconut cake with tinkerbell on top. she's starting to get into the whole princess thing, but seems to have a particular interest in the well-known little pixie. so tinkerbell it was!
my rush-job on the cake... sigh. at least it was edible. the little tinkerbell came with shoes that come off; knowing my daughter, i decided that a little super-glue to keep them on would be in everyone's best interest. so once the cake was gone and the shoes (and their respective tiny feet) were cleaned off, they became permanent.

miss madison- three years old!!

j and the kids came too, and they spoiled madison... as well as cole and rem! madi loves the tent they found for her, as does cole. it's big enough for adults to sit in... so j and i decided that someday, we'll have a turn in the tent, complete with coffee and chick-chat. (hey- who says you're ever too old to enjoy a clubhouse??)

cole got something special from daddy too... his first hotwheels track! i don't have photographic evidence, but he and madison figured out a way all on their own to use their new things at the same time: hotwheels track inside the tent. problem solved.

auntie sarah came to spend the weekend with us not too long ago! she flew in to little rock on the 27th (friday) and left the following monday. it was SO great to have her here- i really needed it, and the kids got to enjoy spending time with her. we even dragged her out bright and early on saturday to attend tournament practice at the ata, so she got to see the kidlets in action. or distraction... same thing. (both of our kids sort of have the attention span of a hummingbird, making their class time a little interesting, to say the least).

cole bowing for master jorgenson

madison bowing too (note how she's looking at master jorgenson for approval!)

see? totally distracted. but it did get a few muffled chuckles from the other parents/spectators. is this taekwondo or yoga?

in the afternoon we met j and her kiddos at pinnacle mountain state park. the play area was fantastic! we explored a base trail and then came back to let the kids keep climbing and running on the neat equipment.

some random guy was kind enough to let the boys use his football for a little while... they were well-entertained, and auntie sarah got some practice passing (heehee).

sunday found us napping (while sarah met ted back at pinnacle for a walk/run), and once everyone was awake again and happy, there were some snuggles and giggles on the couch. remington has been really taken with his big sister lately, and she's starting to take her role as his personal quite seriously.

well hello, you!

kisses!

after sarah left, we didn't quite know what to do with ourselves... thank you again for coming, auntie sarah!! we love you :)

two weeks ago the kids earned their orange belts! (so did i, but that's not quite as exciting, haha!). remington took careful note so that when he's old enough, he can join ata too.

madison graduating to her orange belt...

... and cole graduating to his too! since then, they've both earned a stripe on their belts... maybe they'll be ready for yellow by the end of the month!

yay!

cole has been showing his paternal side lately... he'll sit down next to rem, hold him under his arms (not around his neck- we didn't even have to tell him that!) and slide him onto his lap. remington is pretty gracious about allowing this, even letting cole "burp" him. it's just adorable- totally melts my heart <3

aren't they the cutest pair of snugglers ever?

it is well...

i had to share this... it's been the plea of my heart the last few days, just to accept whatever comes our way and rest content in the knowledge that the Lord has led us there and will lead us through it too.

i've always loved this melody, and the words to the "old" hymn are ones that i find comforting...

"when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, "it is well, it is well with my soul".

as i get ready to hit the "publish" button, it's just sweet little remington and i here in the living room while everyone else is in bed after a long nap-less day. he's standing between my knees, holding onto the edge of the tote that's doubling as a laptop desk, completely on his own. his motor skills seem to be improving daily, for which we're so grateful... it's a relief to know that he's starting to catch up. while he's still got a ways to go, he's made a great start at it and i think i'm more giddy over his accomplishments than a new mommy, even, just because we've been holding our breath, just waiting to see if he'll reach even the little milestones on his own. ha... and now, as i finished typing those last few lines, he'd plunked down on my leg and is at this very moment attempting to pull himself to standing. he's *thisclose* to getting up.

one more thing before rem has his bottle and we settle down for a hopefully quiet night (last night was a long one- i tried giving him rice again, hoping he'd be ok with it, but he was up most of the night, fussy and agitated, so rice obviously isn't going to be added to his diet anytime in the very near future. sigh.)... i may have said it, though i most likely forgot: all our friends and family have really meant the world to us since all of this came to a head with remington. and while it's not over yet, thank you all so much for lending your ears, letting me vent, your phone calls/emails/texts, and for remembering us in the place of prayer. we love you all, i don't know how to say it any other way. thank you.